


Sink or Swim

by moonbeambucky



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Aquariums, F/M, Fluff, Mutual Pining, oh my god they were roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 11:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16722855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonbeambucky/pseuds/moonbeambucky
Summary: The feelings you harbor for your best friend comes to light after a breakup but will you lose everything once he learns the truth?





	Sink or Swim

**Author's Note:**

> Written on tumblr for buckthegrump Angst & Fluff Writing Challenge. My prompt was “C’mon let’s do something.”

The keys to your apartment were jingling in your shaky hands as you tried desperately to open the door through tear filled eyes. Stifling a whimper of equal parts frustration and anguish you successfully turned the key, allowing yourself to break down into tears the moment the door shut behind you.

Leaning against the door you slumped to the ground with your head in between your bent knees as you replayed the conversation you had with your now  _ex_ -boyfriend Brock.

You were enjoying dinner at your favorite restaurant up until he asked why you weren’t wearing the expensive heels he bought you. After being on your feet all day at work you chose not to wear the six inch stilettos but still opted for an equally uncomfortable pair because you knew anything else would make Brock upset and you were too tired to argue.

After a few snippy comments and a hard rolling of his eyes things became uncomfortably silent, though you felt his anger brewing, rumbling like thunder in the distance. You broke the silence, apologizing for not wearing the shoes. Brock’s lips pulled into a satisfied smile and you convinced yourself he was happy because you realized how much it would have meant to him to wear the gift he gave you and not because he was proud you admitted to being wrong.

The conversation moved along until you accidentally brought up Bucky. Brock hated when you mentioned your roommate, always commenting about how guys and girls can’t be friends. He was suspicious of Bucky, nearly interrogating you the night after Bucky’s birthday for how close you seemed, accusing you of sleeping with him.

Bucky was gorgeous but he was your friend despite wishing things could have been different. You pushed your feelings aside, not wanting to lose the great relationship you had. So, Bucky was your best friend and  _only_ your friend.

Upon hearing his name Brock stopped eating, with the knife still in his hand he aggressively pointed it in your direction as he spoke. “I thought I said not to bring up that name!” he seethed.

“S-sorry,” you sighed, pushing around the vegetables on your plate.

Then tension was palpable, like electricity in the air with Brock angrily eyeing you for knowing better than to mention Bucky. You hated feeling so uncomfortable, it was like walking on eggshells when you spoke about him but you couldn’t help it. Bucky was your friend, he was going to be in your life and it was time you stopped putting up with the sexist thoughts Brock had about your friendship.

“You know what Brock, I’m not sorry. Bucky and I are friends and that’s just something you’re going to have to deal with.”

That’s when the storm broke.

Brock roared loudly, his eyes wide with flashes of anger that struck down through his words striking you like lightning. The whole restaurant was drawn to his shouting, his fists pounding on the table nearly knocking the wine glasses off as you sat there in fear for what he might do next.

Two servers attempted to calmly ask him to leave and that’s when Brock’s fists whipped around to collide with their faces. Getting up quickly, you backed away as more servers and even a large patron tried to wrangle Brock to the ground while the hostess called the police. It took four men to hold him down, though it didn’t stop the storm from raging.

Tears fell down your cheeks as you heard every word Brock spat. “You fucking bitch. You ugly slut. You’re nothing but a useless whore. D’ya hear me? And you ain’t the only bitch I’m fucking either.”

Even as he was being taken away in handcuffs it didn’t stop him from shouting back towards you, using every insecurity of yours as his verbal weapon. After giving your statement to the police you left the restaurant shamefully. Your feet were on fire as you practically ran home in a desperate need to seek out the comfort of your bed that you would never leave again.

You should have listened to your friends, they didn’t like Brock. He was an obnoxious hot-head who was always ready to fight the first guy who looked in your direction but you convinced yourself his overbearing nature was out of love. When you were alone he never yelled, in fact he was incredibly sweet, always surprising you with gifts, from clothes to shoes. Only after tonight’s fight did you realize the truth, he was trying to change you.

No one was supposed to be home and that’s why you were so shocked when Bucky stepped out of his room, rushing to your side.

“Y/N! What happened? Are you okay?” he asked.

Bucky’s voice was tender full of concern, the contrast between the two men making you sob even more. Bucky rubbed circles on your back, pulling you into his chest as your tears soaked through his shirt. In between sobs you told him what happened at dinner, clinging to his body as you cried until you exhausted all your tears. Bucky kept cool for your sake, wanting to make sure you were alright but he was boiling inside, wanting to beat the shit out of Brock.

How dare he treat you that way? You deserved so much better, someone who would love and respect you, who accepts you for all that you are and doesn’t want to change you, who makes silly faces or tells bad jokes just to watch your head tip back with booming laughter, someone like… someone like him. But Bucky knows you’re just friends, and if you can’t be with him you should at least be with someone who appreciates you, a concept Brock’s thick skull could never comprehend.

At some point Bucky helped you off the floor. You groaned, pulling the heels off of your swollen feet and chucking them across the room. You sat on the couch wrapping the soft throw blanket around your shoulders, inhaling Bucky’s scent embedded in the fibers that washed over you in calming waves.

Bucky returned from the kitchen, with two glasses of almond milk and a package of your favorite cookies. Signing on to Netflix you curled up next to him, allowing yourself to temporarily forget the evening and get lost in laughter as you and Bucky watched amateur bakers horribly fail on  _Nailed It_.

“You’d be perfect for this show,” you joked, glancing up to see Bucky’s adorably embarrassed smile.

Shaking his head he laughed, “That was one time! I learned from my mistake.”

“Well it’s a cake I’ll never forget,” you added, reminiscing about the birthday cake he made you two years ago whose icing was unfortunately melting off the fresh out of the oven cake.

You had come home from a disappointing date, one you knew you shouldn’t have agreed to attend on your birthday but you thought you could use the distraction from Bucky and his then girlfriend Natasha. When you came home he was there, alone, to surprise you for your birthday with a cake that tasted a lot better than it looked.

You sighed deeply at the thought that Bucky was always there for you, as a friend you remind yourself. He’ll never date– “Oh no,” you shouted, interrupting your internal dialogue. Picking your head up from Bucky’s chest you cried, “You had a date tonight!”

Bucky  _had_ a date but he cancelled it a while ago, figuring it wasn’t fair to string Dot along since he wasn’t into her. He was going to tell you, eventually, leaving out the part about who his heart is really longing for, but he didn’t expect you to come home so early.

“Don’t worry about it doll,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “She’s not the one for me.”

Tears burned their way to your eyes as you smiled sadly wishing you could be that one. “I think ‘m gonna head to bed now. Thanks for the cookies Bucky,” you said, getting up and heading towards your bedroom.

Bucky wanted to call your name out but his words became trapped in his throat. Tonight wasn’t the time to confess his feelings, not after your emotional evening. Picking the blanket up from the cushion he inhaled your scent, relishing the way that it mixed with his own, perfectly combining together to create the sweetest aroma.

“Soon,” Bucky thought, “I have to tell her soon.”

***

You spent the rest of your weekend at home in sweatpants you hadn’t bothered to change out of and one of Bucky’s large t-shirts that became yours the day it accidentally mixed in with your laundry. Bucky joked about getting it back one day but truth be told he loved when you wore it.

Your eyes were puffy and swollen from all the tears you shed, some for Brock and the way you allowed yourself to be treated but mostly for Bucky and the fact that you believe you’ll never find anyone who would come close to him.

It didn’t help your aching heart that Bucky hung around the apartment all weekend as well, checking in on you and finally getting you out of bed and onto the couch where he had freshly delivered pizza ready and waiting. You stuffed yourself with half the pie having not eaten much since last night’s cookies but Bucky didn’t judge you, he never did, unlike Brock who thought you should stick to a diet, “to be healthy” as he put it.

Watching movies with Bucky distracted you enough until you crawled back into your empty bed, tossing and turning all night until your exhausted body finally found some rest.

Rubbing the sleep from your eyes you woke up and groaned. Sunday, ugh. The last day you hate almost as much as Monday’s. You really didn’t want to go to work tomorrow. Staying in bed forever sounded like a much better option. So you threw your blanket over your head to block out the sunlight that was streaming in through the window and forced yourself back to sleep.

You must not have been asleep for long because the soft rapping of Bucky at your door stirred you awake fairly quickly.

“Come in,” you groaned, with your arm thrown over your eyes.

You felt a dip in the mattress as Bucky sat on your bed, a curtain of dark brown hair falling in front of his face as he leaned down towards you.

“Wake up sleepy head,” he said, softly nudging your arm. You groaned in response.  **“C’mon let’s do something.”**

“The only thing I want to do is lay in this bed and eat a fuckton of pizza later,” you grumbled.

“Stayin’ in bed all day isn’t going to make you feel any better.” Bucky audibly sighed when you didn’t respond. “Y/N,” he softly whispered your name, “I hate seeing you like this. Please, I just want to help.”

Hearing the sincerity in his tone brought fresh tears to your eyes that fell onto your pillow. Bucky was a great friend but why couldn’t it be more? What does he see in those other girls? Why not you?

Bucky leaned back as you shifted to sit up, his frown matched your own as he saw your tear filled eyes.  

“What’s wrong with me?” you cried, prompting Bucky to wrap his arms around you.

“Nothin’ doll,” he said, pressing a kiss to your temple, “You’re perfect,” he murmured, his jaw clenching tightly at the thought that you would think any less of yourself.

Your breath was caught in your chest at his words. Pulling back you saw the way his lips were pulled into a heartfelt smile. You tried not to read into it, he was only saying that to cheer you up.

“Come on Y/N, I mean it. Let’s get outta the apartment today. I know you haven’t seen the new shark exhibit at the aquarium, why don’t we go?”

The blue ocean that made up Bucky’s beautiful eyes were pleading with you and you couldn’t say no.

“Okay but I desperately need to shower first.”

Taking a deep inhale Bucky joked, “Yeah, you do.”

“Hey!” You playfully nudged his arm in return.

After a nice hot shower you put on a fresh set of clothes. Bucky commented that you looked cute and you could have sworn there was an extra twinkle in his eyes but shrugged it off. You were giddy with excitement headed on the train to Brooklyn. You hadn’t been to the aquarium in a while, Brock never wanted to go because he thought it was too childish. What’s childish about marine life?

It was tradition for you and Bucky to spend every summer celebrating Shark Week, baking shark fin cupcakes together and Bucky getting blue frosting everywhere while you drank blue cocktails topped with gummy sharks.

The best summer was when the first  _Sharknado_ came out, you both collapsed on each other in fits of laughter over the ridiculous plot and terrible CGI.

“Slimey,” you said, crinkling your face at Bucky as you touched a stingray in the tank.

“I dare you to touch the sea urchin,” Bucky teased.

“Ewww no way,” you cringed. Okay, maybe you were being a  _little_ childish.

After washing your hands you and Bucky strolled through the various exhibits, lining up to watch the sea lions being fed. The sun was beating down on you but your body was on fire for different reasons. A crowd of families with small children gathered around so Bucky stood behind you, not wanting to block anyone’s view.

Your heart skipped a beat as his hands rested on top of your shoulders. Bucky leaned in to say something, feeling his breath fall against the shell of your ear made you feel like you could melt right into the tank.

Afterwards Bucky wanted to see the penguins, lacing his fingers with yours and you didn’t object. You were always close with Bucky but today felt different. You wondered if he was being extra nice because of your breakup but truthfully you hadn’t thought much about Brock, not when Bucky was swimming through your mind. Because of him you were happy, enjoying the beautiful day in one of your favorite places to visit.

Strolling through the exhibit you took a few photos, staring at the waddling bunch in awe. Bucky was staring at you in a similar way, thinking you wouldn’t notice though you caught his reflection in the glass. It made you smile even wider. Maybe he wasn’t just saying things to cheer you up.

Finally you made your way towards the shark exhibit. With your phone in hand you entered the tunnel, recording the sharks that swam all around you. It was surreal being surrounded by them, watching as they swam past the colorful coral and other fish.

You stood for a while watching them, feeling Bucky’s fingers brush against you every now and then which sent your heart racing.

“I know they’re pretty harmless but I think [sand tiger sharks](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FSand_tiger_shark%23%2Fmedia%2FFile%3AGrey_nurse_shark_2.jpg&t=OGI2MDZhYTZkZDJlOGQ1ZDk5NWU3YmNmMDgyYjgwZWZkYjY1ZmVjYSxQa3FwNVdJQQ%3D%3D&b=t%3A4IBk3eqNX5h7cHTV4pcqRQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmoonbeambucky.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F178378734008%2Fsinkorswim&m=0) are scarier than great whites,” you said, leaning your head against Bucky as you watched the large sharks swim by.

You felt his body moving as Bucky nodded his head in agreement, “It’s the teeth, they’re a lot more jagged.”

You hummed in acknowledgement before adding, “Their eyes freak me out too.”

“I know right?!” Bucky nearly shouted, agreeing that the human-looking eye on the sharks made them creepier.

The sound of your laughter echoed through the tunnel and you couldn’t help but smile while staring at Bucky and the crinkles that formed around his eyes when he was laughing.

“Come here,” he said, leaning against the glass, and opening his arm out to you.

Getting close to his firm chest you leaned in, seeing as Bucky’s other arm was extended with his phone, holding it out to take the perfect selfie as he patiently waited for a shark to swim in the background.

Bucky’s other arm wrapped around you, squeezing you in closer. He always made you feel special and loved. Being with Bucky felt right.

“Here it comes,” he excitedly said.

It was time to sink or swim. Just as Bucky was about to press the button, you turned your face, pressing your lips to his cheek.

Bucky captured the unexpected kiss, mumbling sounds of confusion that immediately sent your heart into overdrive. Did you read things wrong? Did you cross a line?

“I’m sorry,” you said, stepping back in shame.

Great, you’ve ruined your friendship, mistaking simple gestures and turning it into something you desperately wanted to be true. Panicking you began to turn around but was stopped by Bucky calling out for you, his hand grabbing yours and pulling you back towards him.

“Wait Y/N!”

Bucky’s lips were slightly parted as his eyes looked over your remorseful face.

“Please, I’m embarrassed enough…” you began before he cut you off.

“You don’t have to be.”

You tilted your head at his words, trying to tone down the loud thumping of your heart that was pounding in your ears to hear him continue.

“This is all my fault. I…” he paused to run his hands through his hair. “Okay, here it goes. I like you. I mean, well, you know I like you, I wouldn’t live with someone I didn’t like,” he rambled.

Bucky gulped, nervously swallowing the lump in his throat and took a deep breath.

“What I mean is since we became friends I developed a crush on you but at the time you were seeing somebody and when we moved in together I thought it would go away because I was seeing somebody but it never did.”

“Y-you like me?” you questioned.

Bucky nodded in return. “I never told you before ‘cause I didn’t want to lose our friendship. And now you just went through a break up and I didn’t mean for my feelings to slip out like this, it’s just you were so hurt by that asshole and I just wanted to make you happy.”

Bucky noticed the tears that started to pool in your eyes, taking it the wrong way he began to internally curse himself for confessing the truth.

“You make me  _so_ happy Bucky,” you sniffled. “You always have and… wow… I never thought you felt the same way about me.”

Bucky looked at the way your lips were pulling upwards, your smile confirming that he heard you correctly. “You mean you like me too?”

Tears slipped down your cheeks when you smiled brighter, “Yes. You’re my best friend but you’re also so much more. You always know how to make me laugh, you never judge me or try to change me, you’re the realest person in my life and I’m sorry I never said anything sooner. I never thought you would…” your voice trailed off.

“Don’t you dare put yourself down, doll. You’re the kindest, funniest, and most beautiful person I know inside and out.”

“I guess we’ve been pretty stupid all these years,” you half chuckled.

“Yeah definitely,” Bucky smiled, rubbing his thumbs along your hands. “Let’s not be stupid any longer.”

Bucky’s fingers gently lifted your chin as he slowly leaned in, your feelings built up like a tidal wave that finally crashed down the moment your lips pressed together. Every part of your body was fluttering, feeling like you were floating beside the fish that surrounded you.

Pulling away for air you shared a smile. Resting your head on his chest Bucky wrapped his arms around you, relishing in the fact that you felt the same for him. There may be plenty of fish in the sea but you and Bucky didn’t have to swim far to find each other. 


End file.
